Satire-I wish I were smart enough to use it.

Question to Weekly Advice Columnist:

The Christmas celebrations in my office have taken on an increasingly religious character over the years. Last year, there were Christmas carols, including "Silent Night," playing in the break room, and several of the holiday cards bought to decorate the area around the Christmas tree had Nativity or other religious themes on them. Multiple people complained, either to management or to each other after feeling that management was not responsive to our concerns. My boss asked me why I wasn't at last year's tree-trimming party. When I told her that it was because I'm not a Christian, she suggested that it would be OK if I hung a menorah on the Christmas tree. I can't begin to describe how offensive I thought that was to all religions. I don't have any problem with Joe wearing a cross in the office or Ayanna putting a picture of her favorite Hindu goddess above her computer. It's the corporate-sanctioned expressions of religion in shared spaces that bother me. What can we do to encourage management to return to the more secular celebrations of previous years?

—Not a Christian

Comment under the advice: Regarding holidays in the workplace, I agree with the posters who said that "Not a Christian" should simply "even up" the holiday representation rather than asking the Christians to tone it down. However, bringing in a menorah (hung on the tree or not) won't accomplish that. Christmas is a major Christian holiday; Chanukah is the most minor Jewish one, and has very little by way of celebration. The Jewish holiday season is in the fall (when Sukkot, Shemini Atzeret, and the High Holidays fall), not the winter, so "Not a Christian" should do his/or her "evening up" then.

About five weeks before Rosh Hashanah, "Not a Christian" should plaster the walls of the office with stars of David, chamesh hands, shofars, chais, and other overt Jewish symbols.

"Not a Christian" should bring in a mix CD of Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur songs and insist that it be played constantly in the break room until the holidays are over. (Overtly religious songs such as Avinu Malkeinu, Kol Nidrei, the Unetaneh Tokef, Yigdal, and the Ashamnu should be translated into English, so everyone can better appreciate the very un-Christian dogma they contain.)

"Not a Christian" should put up Rosh Hashana cards on the walls that contain holiday messages directed specifically and exclusively to Jews and wish everyone around an easy fast and a good sealing...whether they're Jewish or not.

"Not a Christian" should see to it that everyone in the office gets paid days off for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, whether they celebrate them or not. If they are willing to work those days and would prefer to transfer the paid leave to another, more convenient day, too damn bad -- they can't.

"Not a Christian" should also host an office Tashlich party so that everyone in the office can be pressured into going to the nearest body of water to symbolically rid themselves of sin by throwing bread crumbs into the water. If someone chooses not to come because he/she is not Jewish, "Not a Christian" should offer to let them throw Communion wafers into the water instead of bread crumbs so that their religion can be included, too.

And if anyone in the office complains about the fact that they are being hammered over the head with religion, "Not a Christian" should scoff that they should shut up, stop whining, and quit ruining the holiday for everyone else.

Then, and only then, will things be "even." Because that's exactly the same behavior "Not a Christian" is describing, just coming from another religion.

It is a skill to remove oneself from the status quo and be able to self-examine actions. I wish everyone could learn to do it. Now back to my Christmas shopping...